Musings Of A Heart #2


It is a drug, a bad habit. I know it only brings grief in the end but I still run to it. Denial,denial about you losing feelings for me,denial of losing you. 
Candle wax drips away with the night but I’m here,denying that you wouldn’t call. 

I wait here for that one text of yours. 

It pins me but it is the only thing that keeps me alive,denial.



It’s an essential part of my existence

Without denial, I am nothing

I have built a world of lies

I am untroubled here

No worries of pain and rejection

No distrust or hate

I have faced truth once

And it left me nothing

But as a broken mess

And now I’m scared to be hurt

If I start accepting the reality

In a blink of an eye

My world will burn to ashes.


Denial drips from my shaking hands and tear stained cheeks as I grip your hand to stop you from leaving.

Denial of love, my suffering. 

Denial of you, my slow death.

Denial in the way I whisper your name when I kiss strangers. 

Denial in the way I refuse to acknowledge your memories.

Denial of rage when my illusion fades.

I bottle it all in. Cork the bottle and throw it in ocean.  Denial of acceptance. 

I rather take gun to the mouth than accept your leaving. 

Self-denial, my recipe for destruction.


Previously on Musings Of A Heart-

Musings Of A Heart #1 (Loneliness)


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